We have a great system for our kids when it comes to using their Jiu Jitsu for self preservation, specifically the Pee Wees.

As our kids grow and develop they learn how to manipulate people emotionally, use force to obtain things, or even say nasty things that they don't really mean.

This shouldn't be a shock to you, but more often than not they learn this from their parents, more so from TV.

A child hitting a child or pushing another child over should not be acceptable and it isn't cute either, especially if it is to get something from another child. 

If this happened in the adult world, it would be called assault, and people go to jail for these things.

So why do we accept this when a child does it?

We shouldn't.

Yeah but they're kids right?!

Doesn't matter.

We should be teaching our kids that this is unacceptable behavior irrespective of whether they are two years or 10.

So how does the traffic lights help our children?

If you ask your child what the colours at the traffic lights are, they'll be able to tell you; red, yellow and green.

Certain animals and insects are coloured accordingly to warn predators or change colour when they are threatened. 

We teach our kids that red is the warning to someone that is either saying something they don't like to them, or if they are pushed or hit. They are taught to simply say "STOP IT, I don't like it".

In some respects they TALK to the other child, creating boundaries and limitations, clearly informing them that they don't like what has occurred. 

That should be enough for the other child to stop what it is they are doing. If not, then our athlete will move to the yellow light.

In the yellow light, the child will tell the 'belligerent' child to; STOP IT, I don't like it and I'll get the teacher/grown up/parent (depending on the situation).

The yellow light is our TELL phase. They have told the other child to stop and they have told them they didn't appreciate what had occurred. If they persist, the child will now inform them that they will seek intervention.

It would be fantastic if this was the final step, unfortunately in some circumstances it isn't.

What does a green light mean at the intersection, go!  

Green light Jiu Jitsu. 

This is our takedown phase.

The child has, TALKED to the belligerent child, TOLD (tell) them they are going to get help, and, if they persist with PHYSICAL contact, TAKE DOWN to mount.

When this has occurred, the child should then be asking people around them to get an adult. They should  maintain mount for as long as possible to eliminate any further physical threats from the 'assailant'. When the adult arrives more often than not the child on mount will be accused for the infraction.

We tell our athletes to wait until the adult has finished what they are saying. They should then ask the adult, "how did you think I got there?"

This serves as a confidence boost for the child, and will more than likely stop the adult in their tracks. The child should then be able to tell the adult the steps of what had happened and why they did what they did.

Talk - Red, Tell - Yellow, Take down - Green.

We all want our children to be safe when we are not around and this is just one way we can help them should a verbal altercation progress to a physical one.

Let me set the scene; you've collected your child from school/day care/sport, you start to communicate with them but all they give you is one word answers.

AAHHHHHH, you just want to connect with them and see how their day was, they gave you nothing, a damn shoulder shrug!

With the amount of stimulus that our children receive in a day, it can be quite overwhelming. The slightest change in routine can disrupt our children's attitude, mood or train of thought.

I know, you've had a cracker of a day as well and you don't want any attitude, especially from your child!

So how can we communicate better with our children, especially after a long day?

Asking a general question will more than likely see the one word answers come out; Question: How was your day? Response: Good. Question: Did you do anything different? Response: Shoulder shrug. Internal parental dialogue: AAAHHHH 

When you start talking to your child, ask more specific questions to get the conversation flowing. An example could be 'what did you have for recess?', or 'who did you sit next to at lunch?'.

Pretty soon you'll see the conversation start to open up and your child start to engage better.

The same goes with sport.

A lot can happen on the mat. Some days the technique can be overwhelming for the athlete as it can be quite technical. Other days, they might have had some pretty tough wrestles and tapped a little too often. 

A great way to start the conversation off is asking who they wrestled with or did they tap out to anyone.

If you're able to watch the class, you could ask the athlete what the technique was and if they could explain how to do it. That's not only good for communication but their memory recall.

Finally, if you were able to see portions of the class. Let your child know that you saw them do something good even if they come away from training thinking they were terrible.

Not only will you get the conversation started, you'll be providing positive reinforcement and letting your child know that you were watching.