Competition Costs And Which Ones To Participate In
This is a great topic for discussion as there are several thoughts on which are the best or ones that are the most expensive.
So let's get into it!
The sport of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has grown into a pretty big beast in Australia with an estimated 35,000 athletes participating in the sport.
Albeit a very unique sport, it has grown with some Aussies making it to the top such as Craig Jones and Lachlan Giles creating waves overseas in the Nogi discipline.
With the sport growing, it has encouraged athletes to test their skills by way of tournaments that are either held locally or in capital cities.
The overarching federation is the International Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Federation (IBJJF) globally, and many countries now have their own Federation under the IBJJF. For us it is the Australian Federation of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (AFBJJ).
All AFBJJ competitions are conducted under the rule set of the IBJJF. But, there are many tournaments that make their own rule set up and it can be difficult to follow them especially if you are not familiar with them irrespective of which tournament you compete in.
Please note that comparisons will be made between IBJJF/AFBJJ and a competition known as Grappling Industries.
All IBJJF/AFBJJ tournaments are straight knock out tournaments. If you don't win the first round that's it for the day. This can be a really deterring factor especially if you have to travel to participate as logistically it can become very costly.
Not only this, some of these tournaments can be expensive to participate in especially if you are an adult participating in your age/weight division for both Gi and Nogi, and you then participate in the open weight for your age division.
If you lose each match at least you managed to get four wrestles in. But who goes in a competition to lose, no one right!
The flip side of this is that you can be guaranteed that you have a referee that is minimum brown belt and more often than not been a competitor.
Also these competitions are professionally run with scorers/timekeepers, mat marshal's, and very well organised.
Athletes that enter these type of tournaments should be training the house down so that they are prepared, confident and accept the risk of the loss.
Tournaments other than IBJJF/AFBJJ typically are smaller and cheaper. More often than not they offer a round robin style tournament so you are guaranteed to have more than one wrestle.
The flip side to these tournaments is you are not guaranteed the referee knows the rules or is a competent and confident referee having the crowd make the decision for them.
The tournament may not be very well organised in that matches get pushed way past the initial programmed time, timekeepers/scorers may award a win incorrectly, or there may not be enough medals to be awarded to even the overall winners.
I know first hand where competitive athletes have participated, beaten all their opposition in their division only to be told that they didn't get a podium finish.
To summarise; do you pay a premium price, for a premium event and run the risk of only one match (better train your butt off then), OR, pay for a cheaper event, have more than one wrestle, but run the risk of a poorly organised event and poor decisions or administration?
Which ever event you choose, you must; know the rule set, accept the outcome, but train hard for it!
WEARING THE ACADEMY GI
Some people think that wearing the academy uniform is a political ideology, a cult mentality or a hard rule established by the Academy owner.
Whilst this may be the case in some Academies and clubs, it actually isn't the case here at de Been Wodonga.
I'd like to share an experience that I had early this year.
At a tournament I approached a de Been black belt (from another Academy) and asked him what team he was representing as he was wearing a blue gi, unpatched.
Now, I made this approach as a joke. Unfortunately he didn't see it that way.
After a few expletives, he told me that he isn't into that political bullshit and that as a black belt he should be able to wear what he wants when he wants.
The unfortunate thing about this is that I wasn't able to express my thought process to sway his mindset or to inform him that it had nothing to do with politics.
Unlike Judo or other karate based martial arts, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a unicorn within the martial arts world as it is very relaxed both on and off the mat, more so with the uniform that you train in (Gi and Nogi).
Humans inherently like to be a part of a group, a team. One aspect of being in that group or team is what we wear. Football, netball it doesn't matter, we all wear the same uniform.
Yep sure they may train in what ever they like but they play in the same clothing.
When people ask me about what I classify BJJ as (martial art or sport) I classify it as a sport, with deep martial arts roots.
Wearing our team Gi/Nogi stems back to our lineage. And for those that are not aware our lineage is like this;
If lineage means something to you and where your training comes from, well it isn't very far from the original source. That being said, the sport has developed rapidly since it's inception.
Originally our team was Gracie Barra (Carlos Gracie Jr). Pete brought the Gracie Barra team from Brazil to Australia, but after a period of time changed this and our team became de Been 100% Jiu Jitsu.
Within the martial arts, typically your team patch or head 'instructor'/inventor will be over the left hand side of your chest. This is because that is where your heart is. You wear the patch with pride.
Our Academy gi's have three patches; one on the back, chest and top of the thigh.
Note: all our academy uniforms, both gi and nogi are competition legal, where as many companies will make the gi/nogi attire without though of the IBJJF rule requirements for uniforms. As such the athlete will be required to purchase the correct attire should they compete in those rule sets.
RESPECT FOR THE TEAM, RESPECT FOR THOSE WHO HAVE WALKED BEFORE US
Wearing the team uniform demonstrates your commitment to your team.
Earlier I told you I had a brief discussion with another de Been black belt who chose not to wear the team Gi in a competition. His attitude was that he is a black belt and should be able to wear what he wants when he wants.
But I don't think he thought about his team and what those that are in his team would think. If they also wear what they want then how do you know what team they are in?
With regards to competition, I have my own policy; if you chose not to wear the Academy uniform, you have chosen not to be coached.
Your teammates work as hard as what you do at training. The amount of grit, determination and sweat on the mat helps build the team, helps build the athlete.
Wearing the Academy uniform shows your respect to those around you, shows respect to those that have built the sport around you and demonstrates respect to our founding fathers.
Whilst Peter de Been is our founding father, you should be very proud of where your Jiu Jitsu comes from.
As you read at the start of this blog, wearing the Academy uniform is more than a political ideology. You could say it is more a philosophical ideology and you should be very proud.
WEEDS IN THE MAT PT 2
Unlike the 'stripe' issue, this is something that comes up every now and then that takes a lot of athletes (if they are in this position) time to understand.
We've all heard this complaint; "I'm too small and everyone is too big".
Well, lets fix it and make it a positive experience!
In the early days of BJJ, there was a saying that size didn't matter and that the sport was designed for a smaller weaker opponent to beat a bigger and stronger one.
Umm, yeah right.
It may have been true 30yrs ago if the athlete was playing against someone who didn't know how to grapple/wrestle. That's why the Gracie challenges were so popular.
This statement is debunked time and time again. Even a smaller 5'6" blackbelt at 60kg plays against a 6'2" blue belt weighing around 100kg, will find it very difficult.
So how do you get around it then?
If you are the smaller athlete and you pick the big athlete, you have to be ready to yield to them.
Spazzy white belts are super difficult to roll with and that is where the most injuries will occur.
I reckon that a spazzy white belt should stop being spazzy around the 'third' stripe as they start to string their movement together and understand basic concepts of leverage, and SHOULD know when to tap.
Look for athletes that are roughly your weight or within 10kgs if you want a good roll.
There is also another saying that goes like this; for every 10kgs add a belt level, and for every 10yrs the athlete is younger than you, add another belt level.
So if we go back to our example of the 60kg black belt wrestling the 100kg blue belt, it is almost an even match. Albeit the black belt will have way more tricks up their sleeve.
Now flip the coin.
Lets say your a 6'4" blue belt weighing around 120kgs, you could easily say they are too big and you don't want to wrestle with the 'little' people.
Training with smaller, weaker opponents is actually a fantastic learning experience.
Firstly, don't try and muscle your way around them. Treat them like they are as big as you are and start to use smaller more precise movements.
Yep, sure you could submit them with just your weight or bicep curl them when they put an arm lock on but you're not going to gain any experience by doing this and the little people won't roll with you again.
So, how do we do it then, small or big?
If you're a little person, just be sensible about who you roll with and tap early. What ever do, don't even think about beating them.
Work on your defence and escapes. If you can, NEVER start from the bottom (i.e. don't pull guard).
If you're a big person, pretend the little people are as big as you but don't use your weight or strength. Work on refining your technique. If you have to muscle your submission, don't do it.
If both little and big people look to training this way, both athletes will actually start getting better, learning and enjoying the challenge more because;
It doesn't matter where you train, this problem will be the same where ever you go. It is too easy to use the excuse big will always beat small and you'll never enjoy the sport.
So let's turn our mindset around so that both big and small can make the best of their training!
LOOK AFTER YOUR OWN BACK YARD FIRST!
From time to time this topic rears its ugly head, and from a coaches perspective it's really sad because you can see where it ends up.
You end up losing an athlete.
But what is it?
Negative comments about either stripe or belt promotions.
PLEASE NOTE: Before you read on, there may be some 'strong' language (not swearing, how uncouth!) that you may disagree with or find hard to digest.
Firstly, if you are the sort of person that is whinging to teammates about why you haven't been promoted or why someone else has and you haven't then you're training for the wrong reasons.
Nothing stops you from getting some white tape and putting it on your belt yourself if it means that much to you.
Let's look at the stripe system, it's different from Academy to Academy, club to club.
In fact most places don't even have a stripe system.
Stripes are a tool for coaches to view the experience level of their athletes, nothing more. They can be awarded for regular attendance, achieving milestones, or accomplishing success on the competition mat.
From an athlete's perspective it is a great achievement as it demonstrates and reaffirms that the athlete is progressing and on the right track to improvement.
It is also a proud moment for a coach.
The disappointing aspect from a coaches perspective is hearing either parents or athletes complain, especially when the athlete;
When we hear this 'complaint' from a parent, the best answer to give the athlete is; Concentrate on yourself, work hard, it will come.
The worst thing a parent can do is mollycoddle their child thinking they are helping them by asking the coaching staff on the child athlete's behalf.
When coaching staff hear of athletes grumbling to their teammates, they are already on the path to leave. The funny thing about this is that the athlete (or parent) is more than happy to express their grievances to other people but lack the intestinal fortitude to approach the coaching staff.
It takes intestinal fortitude to approach your coach and ask what you can do to improve so that you can obtain your personal goals.
Now should a parent inform the coach that their child is beginning to lose interest and that they are not 'getting' much of a challenge in training be warned, as the coach will shut the conversation down by answering; if the child isn't using what they have been taught, they are not challenging themselves.
Looking after your back yard.
This comes down to the second point, worry about yourself and what you are doing. Don't look over the fence and worry about what your teammates are achieving. You are training for yourself remember!
If one of your teammates receives a stripe or belt promotion, you should be happy for them, especially if you have been training longer than them.
You know how hard the sport is. Think of the first stripe as a pat on the back for training regularly for starters!
If someone has been training roughly the same time as you and you see them receive these small pieces of electricity tape on their belt, maybe, just maybe they are attending training more than you or they have recently competed and whooped their competition.
Just be happy for them. Your turn will come.
The third point, excuses.
You can have all the excuses in the book if you don't turn up, just don't complain. The excuses are yours, no one else's.
One of the best excuses I hear is 'I'm too small'.
Flip the coin, imagine a six foot four individual who weighs around 120 kilos. They can say the same, 'I'm too big'.
But we'll deal with that excuse in another blog.
So in conclusion, at the end of the day just turn up, do your best and ASK QUESTIONS.
This is a bloody tough sport and complaining about stripes, worrying about other people will only make it tougher.
Lessons In BJJ Competition
I often say to the kids, "put your hand up if you like losing?"
Clearly no one puts their hand up.
Unfortunately, someone has to lose in this sport as there are no draws. You win by points, submission or by referee decision.
I hate losing.
In my family we have a saying that first place loser is second place, and if you came third you were beaten by a loser.
I know what you're thinking, that's pretty harsh. But it gives us the opportunity to reflect on what we could have done better and if we were making the best of our training as well as the matches we played.
You can use all the clichés you like about losing like, you get some of your best lessons from a loss. But who goes into a competition to lose? That's right, no one.
But how do we learn from competition, specifically from a loss?
Here are six things that I can help you with from my experience over my time in the sport of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
Training - Have you trained enough?
Training regularly will assist in how you are going to fight.
Athletes that train once or twice a week to prepare for a competition don't really stand a chance. What's even worse is when the same athlete who trains once or twice a week leading up for a comp, trains four or five times a week.
They will get injured and burn out. When it's time to compete they'll be lethargic and probably get sick from a cold as they've put so much stress on themselves. We haven't even factored if the athlete has to cut weight either.
Competitive athletes need to be training a minimum of four times a week and have a mindset that their opposition have been training harder than what they have. Just don't over train!
Plan each session you attend, and try your best to execute it. Don't deviate from this plan. Attend regular stand up classes, and listen to your body.
Cutting Weight - The first competition you enter you shouldn't really be concerned about weight. You'll see whether you are in the right division or not when you see athletes in the same division.
Ideally you should be at your competitive weight at least three weeks prior to the competition. This is hard for children as they can have sudden growth spurts so it's best to weigh them right up to the change/check day to get them in the right division. By the way, there's nothing wrong with placing a child up a weight division, just don't use it as an excuse if they lose.
Being at weight three weeks prior to a competition will enable you to see if you can eat and drink on the day of the competition.
If you're stressing about your weight in the week of a competition that will negatively impact on your mindset and performance. I've seen plenty of athletes running to a sauna (if the complex has one) or not drink water which will increase the chances of injury.
Mindset - A positive mindset will pay dividends.
Many athletes will have negative thoughts leading up to the fight, and quite possibly through the fight. Some see their opposition and immediately think negatively.
If you identify this in yourself, start thinking of the positive things you've achieved in your training.
Me personally, I look at my opposition and tell myself that they've never beaten me, and that I am the champion today.
Even before the referee has called me onto the mat I've told myself I've won. I won't let any negative emotion or thought into my head because what happens next is up to me!
Technique - I've trained hard, learnt some new things but I couldn't get out of that damn guard.
I remember a time where I competed in the Philippines in a Nogi competition, only to get stuck under side control for a good portion of the match and it sucked.
When I got back home I discussed with my teammates this sticking point in the competition and straight away the answers came in thick and fast. The best one was, learn more than one way to escape side control.
So that was it, back to the drawing board. Drill side control escapes and start every roll from bottom side control.
Every match we play gives us an indication of where we are deficient irrespective of your attack, defence or escape.
Your last comp may have seen you get the best position for the arm lock, but you struggled to finish it. So, go back to the start and learn how to get it right. Pretty soon you'll be able to execute the correct techniques in those situations.
Match Fitness - Did the match fell like it went for ages or was it quick?
If you are an athlete that consistently looks to the clock, you're unfit. Plain and simple.
You know you're fit when the match ends, and you see your opponent lying on their back, and you feel like the match just started.
It's understandable to be checking the scoreboard if you are competing on your own and there are no teammates or coaches yelling times and points to you. But if you are looking, your unfit and undisciplined.
The more you're looking at the clock, the more opportunities your opposition has to do what they want to do.
Don't look at the clock!
Excuses - You know the saying, excuses and opinions are like but holes, everyone has one.
Making excuses is the worst. You can't blame the ref, the opposition, the scoreboard, the people around you or your emotions.
"Oh but it was overwhelming", so what. Check yourself. You wanted to compete so you knew what were getting into.
For children, let them cry when they lose. Don't mollycoddle them. Let them work through their emotions and figure things out with their coach.
We want to give our kids a cuddle when they are upset, but it's different in sport. They must take ownership of the outcome.
I remember at brown belt expecting to win gold in a big tournament once. I had mapped my oppositions weaknesses and a plan of my matches. The only thing was that I focused too much on the gold medal and not my first match.
I lost on submission with about 30 seconds on the clock whilst I was in the lead on points. I left the stadium crying.
An old teammate laughed at me whilst I was wallowing in self pity. He asked my what had happened and he told me that I was not focusing on the match that mattered. I was thinking too far ahead and not on the task at hand.
So there we have it folks, six things that you can reflect on with a win or a loss from your competitions. I believe that you learn just as much from a win as a loss, it's just how you reflect on your performance as you can always improve.
The Power Of A Positive Mindset
is so important and you should use this everyday.
It's too easy to focus on the negative or make excuses for why you can't or what stopped you.
But imagine if you change the mindset around specifically in our sport?
I have a friend who is a psychologist and he would always tell me that "your energy flows where your focus goes".
The problem is that most of the time we aren’t consciously aware of our internal dialogue, let alone how influential it is.
Our thoughts seem to arise out of nowhere. They are so automatic that it seems we have no control over them. To make the most of self-talk we need to make a deliberate effort to develop it as a psychological skill.
First off you need to become aware of your existing thought patterns.
Lets say you make an error when rolling. Do you criticise yourself for making a mistake? Or do you tell yourself, ‘Never mind. Let’s move on and figure out how to recover’?
Recognising our self-talk can be a tricky business especially in the moment and useful starting point is reflection.
This is hard but think back to a particularly good or bad performance and recall the self-talk that accompanied it. You could even watch video of your previous competitions or recorded wrestles at training to jog your memory.
How can we do this with our sport?
One thing you can do is plan what you would like to achieve in training, whether it's a specific move, escape or submission. Keep a log or diary of your thoughts about training and competition. The benefit of this is that you can track your mental patterns as you go along instead of relying on memory.
This requires discipline and is very hard to do for some people.
Training and competing require different mindsets though.
In training you might also find that there is a teammate that always gets the better of you, so you always look to avoiding them because the little voice in your head tells you your no good or that they will beat you.
These ARE the people you need to train with because they will elevate your skill set without you realising it.
In competition you can't allow the negative thoughts to enter your head and you will only make things worse when you check the profile of an athlete on Smoothcomp and find their stats are pretty good.
Very rarely do I notice of the stats or even look at the profile of another athlete. Especially when I've never 'played' against my opponent before.
I tell myself they've never played ME!
When I'm standing on the edge of the mat before the referee calls me on, I tell myself that I'm the champion, it's my day today. I won't allow any other thought to enter my head as your perception determines your reality.
When you hear your child athlete talk negative, don't focus on what they are saying. Tell them what you saw that they did you thought was good and build on that.
Just remember these two things:
- your energy flows where your focus goes
- your perception determines your reality
Every so often parents tell me that their child is starting to not enjoy their Jiu Jitsu because they are not being challenged.
I often wonder when a child plays ball sports, how they are challenged.
I guess when they play sports like AFL, netball and football the opportunity to compete against other teams is the challenge. Whereas in BJJ if the athlete lives in a regional town or city, they have to travel. This becomes the deterrent because at least one parent of the family unit has to travel and it can be an expensive venture.
So how does the child remain challenged in the sport of Jiu Jitsu?
White belts learn four fundamental positions; back control, guard, side control and mount. Within these four positions they learn about attacks, defences, escapes and must apply these skills when wrestling.
Advanced belts learn more complex positional plays.
I like to think of the four fundamental positions as seeds. When you plant a seed and it's given the right conditions, it can grow into a beautiful plant.
As the plant grows, it has a trunk, limbs, branches, stalks, twigs, leaves and flowers. So how does a seed come into Jiu Jitsu?
Lets look at the seed called guard.
When first learning about guard, you learn about passing, sweeping and the submissions, these could be the roots of the plant.
As the athlete becomes competent with the position, they may become quite skilful in a specific submission or easily trick their opponent into a sweep. They start to see how they can better use their limbs and may start to play with an 'open' guard.
Now the trunk of the plant has been established, the athlete is shown a new aspect of the guard and this can formulate a new branch.
Should the athlete like the new technique they've been shown, they may become competent with the skill set and learn how to react to their teammates movement and therefor start to upskill in that guard. They'll learn how to manipulate balance, trap limbs, sweep and submit in various ways.
Over time some training partners will start to understand how the athlete is playing the position and learn to defend it.
The athlete that had been working so hard at that open guard play is now being challenged and has to upskill to best their teammates, and the cycle continues.
When athletes tell me that they’re not being challenged, I ask them when they last used the technique they have been concentrating on in a wrestle. More often than not I get a blank expression and they tell me that they tried but it didn't work.
Now it’s not about a technique not working, it’s about the athlete not allowing themselves to be beaten so they can understand and develop a new game.
Depending on the athlete’s persistence, some positional plays take months if not years to master. Only when you come up against someone you’ve never played against before who has been training for a similar timeframe, and you can execute your chosen technique and win, can you say you are not being challenged.
So the next time your child athlete tells you they are starting to get bored at training, ask them what they’ve been learning for the last few months. When they tell you, ask them when they executed that technique last or how frequently they are able to best their teammates with it.
If they tell you they don’t or can’t, they are not challenging themselves.
By the way, this happens with adults too!
Hey team, have you ever hesitated to put down a medical condition on a form when participating in an activity?
This would have to be one of the most overlooked questions on any form whether it's for sport or other activity, and it makes the work for the people running the activity really hard if they have to find out this information themselves.
Medical conditions can range from diabetes, pregnancy, mental health challenges such as anxiety or ASD.
What we'll do in this article is look specifically at our kids and how important it is to share information with the coaching staff, specifically with those that are on the 'spectrum'.
So many parents tell us that their pediatrician had recommended BJJ to them as a sport to help their child that may have sensory challenges, are ASD or have a neurological challenges.
This is great, however so few parents actually indicate these challenges that their child has and it can impact negatively on coaching children collectively.
Whilst it's great to get our kids out into society to learn different skills, meet new people and get some life experience, it is very important to inform the administration or coaching staff of the challenges that your child may have.
The most common medical condition that doesn't get identified on sporting forms is ASD. This maybe out of embarrassment or denial, but it's super important that this is noted.
Autism affects approximately 1 in 160 people, and is more common in males than females. It is a neurodevelopmental disorder which usually appears very early, before the age of 3 years.
Symptoms of autism include problems in social communication, both verbal and non-verbal, difficulties understanding of what other people are feeling or thinking, and having restricted ranges of interest or difficulty tolerating change. Some level of intellectual disability frequently accompanies autism.
Many individuals with autism also have problems with being either more or less sensitive to sensory stimuli such as sounds, light, and textures; difficulties with sleep; and high levels of anxiety or difficulty concentrating.
It gets super frustrating when this isn't identified on any form or discussed with the parents. It can become a guessing game and when I've approached parents about their child being on the spectrum, some of them are shocked.
From experience and over time though, I have developed a confidence where I am able to notice even the smallest ‘difference’ and tailor my delivery to these awesome children.
The reason why coaching staff need to know these things is so that they can better understand the athlete and how to best manage them in training as there is a big difference between a child diagnosed ASD and an unruly child that is looking for negative attention.
Coaching athletes on the spectrum is very rewarding. Their attention to detail and understanding intricacies of technique is phenomenal. Children with ASD stick to a sport such as BJJ more than other 'normal' sports because they are able to work at their own pace. The expectation to keep up with other children is not there and they don't get overlooked by their coaches.
I often use the analogy of children being pop corn; they all get the same amount of heat and oil, they just pop at different times. Any child that steps on the mat gets their opportunity to shine. They don't have to win a wrestle to be noticed and more often than not it's the little things they do that the coaching staff notice the most.
When I first started coaching, my coach said to me once that irrespective of who that athlete is they could be the next world champion and should be treated as such. It's stuck with me ever since and as such I give everyone the opportunity they deserve at training. Many of the world champions in the sport of BJJ are on the spectrum. Just take a look at Mikey Musumeci or Keenan Cornelius!
What are the signs of overprotective parents?
Overprotective parents fall into a fairly broad category of parenting; some may be driven by fear of injury while others may worry their kids won’t be successful without their constant attention.
Despite the varying circumstances, there are a few signs of overprotective parenting.
If you’re perpetually making big and small decisions for your child without allowing them to think through the options themselves, you may be an overprotective parent.
If your child wants to try something new (like a sport or hobby), but you insist they stick with what they know or what you want, you’re suppressing their drive, showing distrust, and assuming you know better.
It’s important to give children space to consider options on their own. Of course, we can advise them, but ultimately, we want to encourage our children to be independent thinkers with their own confident opinions.
Sheltering from failure
It can be tempting to step in and “rescue” your kid from a bad grade or injured ego. That said, having your child’s teacher on speed dial may be indicative of a bigger parenting problem.
Kids are resilient, but only if we give them the opportunity to rebound. Success is great, but kids won’t truly thrive until they learn to overcome day-to-day failures.
Overreacting to failures
If you’re enraged over the sporadic bad grade or dismayed when your child gets rejected from an opportunity, you need to take a deep breath and be like Elsa — let it go. Overreacting to occasional failures is not helping you or your child adapt and grow.
Fear of injury
If you warn your child to watch their fingers every time they shut a cabinet door or gasp when they occasionally trip over their own two feet, you’re (understandably) worried about their safety.
Certainly, nobody wants a game of tag to end in tears, but trips, spills, and scrapes are a part of childhood. As long as a child isn’t in imminent danger, you should try to bite your tongue from time to time — or the veritable training wheels may never come off.
Intense focus on achievement
If you’re so focused on your child’s accomplishments that you don’t take the time to celebrate them and enjoy the simpler moments, you (and potentially your child) are missing out.
You can schedule tutors and sign your kid up for all of the enrichment activities, but focusing exclusively on academics and measurable achievements could be detrimental to your child’s mental and emotional well-being. We need to let our kids be kids.
Extreme rewards and strict rules
Resorting to outlandish rewards to motivate children and harsh punishments to deter them is another common sign of overprotective parenting.
You want your child to be motivated by their own internal drive and excited by new experiences — not dependent on bribes and fearful of threats.
What are the effects of overprotective parents?
All parents make mistakes, and it’s standard practice to worry about the potential long-term effects of your decision making. But it needs to be said that there’s no one right way to parent. You have to show yourself grace and kindness in this journey and know that you’re not going to always have the right answers.
Nevertheless, identifying any overprotective tendencies now can help adjust the outcome for you and your kids, as this parenting style can have lasting negative consequences.
Unprepared childrenPerhaps most significantly, an overprotective parent can create a child who’s unprepared to deal with what life may throw their way. They’re so accustomed to having a parent make their plans and clean up their messes that they may be helpless in the face of minor challenges and major obstacles alike.
Deceptive childrenIf your child feels suffocated by your very hands-on approach to parenting, they might start to lie. If they feel unable to face the pressure of unrealistic expectations or strict rules, they might twist the truth to manipulate the outcome and change your anticipated response.
Dependent, unconfident childrenIf your child always expects you to swoop in, they may not develop the self-esteem needed to become their own advocate.
If you do everything for them (from basic chores to finishing school projects), they may start expecting you to do other simple things that they can and should do themselves. Instead of taking on new challenges, they’re content to wait for others to handle issues.
Furthermore, a 2013 study out of the University of Mary Washington in Virginia found that children of helicopter parents were more prone to anxiety and depression in their late teens and college years.
If you stop a young child from doing things that may have negative but relatively harmless outcomes, they may become overly scared of trying new things. They may worry they’re going to get hurt or rejected and eventually shy away from experiences.
Kids who are used to having things go their way by design of their parents may have a harder time in the future when they realize that life doesn’t always work that way. They may even feel like they deserve things they haven’t earned.
Moreover, this issue is confounded if they’ve been perpetually motivated by rewards rather than self-satisfaction.
Tips for overprotective parents, as well as those on the receiving end
If you’re shaking your head in shame, rest assured that you’re not alone. There are loads of overprotective parents, who just like you, simply want their babies to be happy high achievers.
Identifying the problem with overprotectiveness is half the battle. You can learn from past mistakes, adjust your parenting style — while still showing ample love and support, and develop a healthier relationship with your children.
Steps you can take as an overprotective parent
On the receiving end of overprotective parenting?
If you’re dealing with your own overprotective parents — whether you’re a child, teen, or adult — you, too, have some work ahead.
The first step to addressing the issue: Start a friendly conversation with your parents and express your feelings. Let them know you want to break this cycle of behavior.
You may think that your parents are controlling your choices, and you may be lashing out as a result. Positive change won’t happen until you take responsibility for your own responses, open up about your feelings, and establish some boundaries.
Outside counseling can also be immensely useful in helping you and your parents strike balance.
Finding a fitting approach to child-rearing may be a fluid process full of trial, error, and compromise.
If you identify as an overprotective parent, you may want to work on some problematic tendencies and try some new strategies — and that’s OK. Parenting is a journey, and you and your kids can and will evolve. Have faith in yourself and your children — you can do this together.
Last medically reviewed on August 25, 2020
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Injuries are almost inevitable in the sport of BJJ.
The worst injury I've ever seen has been a total rupture of the quadriceps muscles above the knee along with full ligament tears. This took a considerable amount of time to repair for the athlete, but he was still able to get to training.
Personally I have had knee reconstructions and made it back on the mat within four weeks. But I wasn't training.
What I did was make myself available to help coach other groups or sit and watch as technique was instructed.
As my rehabilitation progressed, I would start to get my movement back through certain exercises on the mat and continue to coach.
I would limit my contact with people and only partner with those that I trusted.
When I got the tick of approval from my doctor and physio, I would participate in the warm up component of the class and, if the technique would allow me, I would participate in drilling.
As I regained my strength and mobility, I would pursue bigger or stronger partners for more resistance in the movement.
Like any rehab program, there are tests involved, and only when the physio could see my progression would he then allow me to move forward in training.
Slowly my confidence would grow and I would select partners that I trusted to wrestle with.
This type of training works in several ways;
Too many athletes will fade away not giving thought of how being present at training can actually help the rehabilitation process. They either come back to training;
So how can you manage your injury to maintain some sort of training regiment?
It's as easy as speaking to your coaches.
When it's time to return to the mats, do it in a staged manner such as;
Just remember, continue to conduct the required rehab you had been prescribed and DON'T rush getting back to rounds of wrestling. Otherwise you might find your back at the doctors asking for a referral to see a specialist.
Train smart, not silly.
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